As Seen On Late-Night TV
But Wait,There's More!
Are you tired of fumbling through guys' night? Struggling to maintain eye contact during a firm handshake? Can't tell the difference between a quarterback and a running back? We've got the solution.
Now!
Incredible Results
Before & After
Orders cosmopolitans.
Knows zero sports.
Handshake: limp.
Orders "whatever's on tap."
Opinions about the ref.
Handshake: bone-crushing.
Call Now!
1-800-STR8-ACT
Operators are standing by. In cargo shorts. Nodding firmly.
Real* Testimonials
Hear From Our Graduates
"Before the Straight Act system, I couldn't even order a beer without accidentally saying 'whatever's cutest.' Now? I slam my hand on the bar and say 'IPA.' Just those three letters. Changed my life."
-- Brad T., Tampa, FL
"My coworkers used to suspect something when I'd suggest team lunches at places with 'great ambiance.' Now I just say 'wings' and point vaguely. Nobody questions me anymore."
-- Derek M., Austin, TX
"I watched the DVD 47 times. I can now talk about the NFL draft for up to 11 minutes without repeating myself. My father finally calls me on Sundays."
-- Chad L., Columbus, OH
*"Real" is used loosely. These men may or may not exist. Their cargo shorts, however, are very real.
But Wait -- Order Now
and Receive FREE:
The Straight Walk Audio Guide
$29.99 value
A 45-minute guided meditation on walking with purpose, keeping your arms at the correct distance from your body, and never, ever skipping.
Grill Marks: A Visual Encyclopedia
$34.99 value
200 pages of grill mark patterns. Learn to identify charcoal types by smell. Includes a chapter on 'Why Propane Is for Beginners' (it isn't, but you need to say that).
The Emergency Sports Cheat Sheet
$19.99 value
A laminated pocket card with 50 sports opinions that work in any conversation. Just pick one and commit. 'Defense wins championships' has never failed.
Firm Handshake Grip Trainer
$24.99 value
A spring-loaded device calibrated to the exact PSI of a 'confident but not weird' handshake. Comes in Charcoal Gray and Lumberyard Brown.
That's over $109 in FREE bonuses!
Choose Your Package
Three Easy Payments of Your Dignity
The Starter Straight
Basic
$49 /person
3-hour intro workshop
Beginner's guide to head nods
1 pre-approved beer order
Laminated sports opinion card
Certificate: 'Basically Straight'
Advanced grill techniques
Locker room simulation
Poker face training
The Full Straight Experience
Premium
$99 /person
Full weekend convention access
Advanced handshake lab
Grill certification (charcoal + propane)
Fantasy football crash course
Voice deepening exercises
1 flannel shirt (pre-worn look)
Certificate: 'Convincingly Heterosexual'
Personal coaching sessions
The Straight-Whisperer
Ultimate
$199 /person
Everything in Premium
1-on-1 coaching with Johnny
Custom straight persona development
Home Depot guided field trip
Tailgate simulation (live)
Lifetime access to the Sports Hotline
Emergency 'what do I say' text support
Gold-embossed certificate: 'Master of the Straight Arts'
Don't Wait -- Call Now!
1-800-STR8-ACT
That's 1-800-S-T-R-8-A-C-T. Call in the next 15 minutes and receive a FREE head nod tutorial.
Fine Print
Results may vary. 'Straight Act' is a learned skill, not a guarantee. Some participants may still accidentally compliment another man's shoes.
The Straight Act Survival Convention is not responsible for any friendships formed during workshops that become 'a little too close.'
Certificate of completion is printed on cardstock and is not recognized by any governing body, employer, or parent.
1-800-STR8-ACT is not a real phone number. If it were, it would be staffed by men in cargo shorts who only communicate via firm nods.
No refunds after the grilling workshop begins. You light the charcoal, you own it.
The phrase 'But wait, there's more' is used 14 times on this page. We are not sorry.